to be whole, happy, healthy, and healed
Okay so boom, let’s talk about some real stuff. Like, dig deep and talk about: wholeness, happiness, healthiness, and healed-ness, and all around health and wellness. What does it mean to be whole, happy, healthy, and healed? To me, this means being complete. And recognizing that completion comes in many forms and looks differently to every person. There is no one way to be fulfilled and fulfillment is not a linear journey.
Happiness has no right or wrong measurement. Happiness is what you feel when you are most fulfilled. For example, I feel happiest when I’m around framily (family and friends that have become family). Being around people I love fills me up and inspires me to continue being genuine and dope. It is a feeling unmatched and almost indescribable.
Being healthy, to me, is being well rounded and doing whatever it is you need to do to make sure you are taking care of all parts of yourself. I take care of myself by telling people no, praying, getting my hair and nails done, and expressing myself through this blog and upcoming book.
Healing is the most complex of all of these. Healing is the most dreaded. Healing is the most extensive. Healing is the worst because it takes the longest and there are no shortcuts. I am grateful to be a millennial because we believe in therapy and talking out problems. And I’m glad because healing is messy.
Nothing, literally nothing, in life is healed in a pretty way. Imagine falling as a kid and skinning your knee. I don’t know about you, but I was a dangerous kid. Moms hated that I would put on dresses and sandals to climb, jump, and often fall, out of trees. I skinned my knees A LOT. I would walk in the house with blood coming down my leg asking my (very fed up) mother to help me clean yet another wound. This was the most painful part. Moms had to first clean the wound with either alcohol or peroxide, then put on ointment to help keep out the infection, and finally bandage it so I can heal from the inside out. What’s the point of this long-winded parable, Iniko? Iight, I’s gettin’ to it.
What I’m saying is, there are steps to healing and each step has its own level of healing and pain. The cleaning, the most painful part in my opinion, is the part that is the most necessary and often the most skipped. It’s easier to put a band-aid on the wound and keep going. Doesn’t matter if you bleed through the bandage because you can change it and keep going. Emotionally, this could mean revisiting some old wounds and sitting in things that are overall uncomfortable so you can properly, and thoroughly, clean your wounds. Cleaning is also the messiest part and it has to be done more than once to be effective. That’s the trigger. You have to clean your wounds often if you want the area to stay healed.
The last part of healing is the scab. It’s your body's natural defense against things that can hurt it. Emotionally, that can look like coping mechanisms and anything else you use to protect yourself. At some point you have to reevaluate your coping mechanisms to ensure you haven’t reopened a wound.
All of this together makes me whole. I don’t need any person to make me whole or complete any part of this process with me. I don’t need external validation. All of these working parts can stand alone because I can stand alone. Whew! I’m preaching with this one!
Okay so boom. What does this have to do with you? How can all this stuff about my life be transferable to yours? Glad you asked. The purpose of me telling you all of this is to show you my humanity. I am no psychologist, psychiatrist, sociologist, anthropologist, or any other -ologist. I'm sharing my story in hopes that you can use it to be better. I want to encourage you to be your best self. I am not sharing this to compete with you. You are your own competition. I'm cheering for you.